Ok so my first journal entry. Or blog. Whatever you want to call it.

Anyway, I named this one "Girls" for one obvious reason: I'm going to talk about girls. Duh.

I have been having this problem with this friend of mine for a while now, at least ever since I broke up with my ex (that story is for another time). This girl (I forgot to say that no names will ever be mentioned in my blogs) she is my best friend. I think you people who are reading this can guess where I'm going. So, being a guy, I naturally gravitated to this girl because I always have a close female friend. I didn't want to get together with her (yet) because I just had a very emotional breakup with my ex (crazy lies and stuff), and so I was naturally upset. Now, none of you know me at all (most likely, unless you stalk me), so you may think of me as a needy guy.

I'm not

I have this kind of disability where (because of my childhood) I feel like I need to help people, or "fix" them. Oh, and for some strange reason, I attract a lot of needy, lazy, lying cough cough girls. Or, at least I think so.

Continuing on, I started to get really close to my friend. Like, REALLY close. So close that people would ask if we're together. And they STILL DO!!! It pisses me off. I didn't think anything of it, since I really liked her. I still do. Somewhat. Anyway (god I need to figure out how to not use a lot of anyways) we had band camp together. Simple. So I thought, not thinking it through, that I would try to get together with her. Dumb, I know, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. So band camp went on, and people were pestering me. "Come one man, ask her out" "You guys are basically together already" "Ask her out!" "ASK HER OUT!!!!!"

So I thought, fine, I'll ask her out. So a drew a picture, wrote a cute note, and put it in her locker (kinda creepy, but no one thought anything of it). She didn't show any sign that she had seen it for the rest of the day, and she had summer school. So I figured she would just call me.

Now, I was minding my own business after band camp, enjoying summer, when all of a sudden my mom calls me out, asking why my friend can't go out with me because she can't go out until she was 19.

So I got really pissed, because my mom decided to talk to me for 3 hours, then my dad talked to me for another hour later. I know I deserved it. I told them the truth, on how I wasn't thinking about it, and that I didn't actually want to go out with her. That settled well, so I was off the hook.

Now comes this year. We act like we're together, hugging for long periods of time, laying on each other (not in THAT way), and all that good stuff besides kissing. Never kissing. Nope.

She gets me sick with a cold, we talk about her "depressing" life, she sorta helps me with my art, I give her a friendship necklace (yes I'm a necklace guy), life goes on. Until this week. We get into a huge fight over something dumb that slowly escalated until I had said mean things to her online boyfriend (yes and she's not supposed to date until she's 19 right? I asked the same question. She said as long as it's ok with her parents she can date someone. Her parents don't even know about this guy XD) and then I say a whole bunch of mean (but true)( things to her, and then I don't talk to her until she apologizes to me with a letter.

We said sorry to each other, made up, the end. Right?

Nope

My mom looked through my email because I accidently sent her a mean email that was meant for my friend, so she questioned me. She found my apologie letter, and then proceeded to send both me AND my friend an email talking about how she feels about us. So I took it to heart, looked over my life and my friend, and decided that I shouldn't be acting the way I am when I'm around her (meaning I would stop acting like I'm her boyfriend).

She is depressed now, probably thinking I hate her. She says nothing is wrong, but we all know how that is, right? XD

So, I'll finish up with this:

Does ANYONE have ANY idea what I should do? I appreciate all answers and will seriously consider them. Thanks

-Jacky ;3