The good old days by R

I remember when onions were still considered cool. I actually liked onions before they were cool. This is why it's pissing me the fuck off that I can't find a good recipe for caramelizing onions. Every fucking one demands some sort of shit to be added like wine or stock. Is there any fucking caramelized onion recipe out there that is just...y'know...ONIONS?

Okay yes, I can deal with oil and salt, I mean those are just y'know, things you always use, but for Christ's sake give me one single recipe that doesn't need fucking wine or stock. Do you even WANT it to taste of onions?! Just fucking GIVE ME GODDAMNED ONIONS. Show me how to caramelize onions. I keep screwing it up and I have no idea what I am doing wrong because every single fucker out there has their own opinion on how to properly caramelize onions.

This is just another example of people wanting to be fucking cool on the Internet and pretending they're all Gordon fucking Ramsay and posting needlessly fancied-up recipes. It's like, the more ingredients I use, the more hardcore a cook I am.

NO!

FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!!!!

I remember the good old days where there was no such thing as fucking bouillon cubes and ready stock you could get and all that kind of shit. Back when I was a kid in the days after the collapse of the Soviet Union we didn't have all this fancy modern shit.

Just had to get that off my chest.

The good old days

R

9 August 2016 at 14:06:22 MDT

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  • Link

    as someone who actually works in a real kitchen, caramelized onions has always just been sauteed onions mixed with oil and sugar (and not a lot of those either) and thats it.
    most recipes in real restaurants are extremely simple but when I look up stuff online its always "added 2 cups of chopped cilantro" and "beat in egg yolks till they look almost like pudding and then mix it in with the roux" or some stupid crap like that.
    garlic aioli is actually a good example lol look up the Guy Fieri recipe for it and theres like 5 extra ingredients in there that really doesnt need to be in there when really it should be nothing more than mostly mayo, some chopped raw garlic, some puree'd roasted garlic, lemon juice and a little bit of salt. just whip that crap together and you got an aioli lol.

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      I put in sugar when I caramelize potatoes normally. I didn't figure I'd do that with the onions because they're pretty sweet themselves (which was about the only thing in any of the caramelized onion recipes that made any sense). All the recipes I know are also pretty bare-bones, both because I grew up in dysfunctional post-soviet Russia, and because I've listened too much to Gordon Ramsay (SIMPLE MODERN VIBRANT HUAAAAGH). I googled Guy Fieri and I'm afraid. He looks gayer than me. Isn't aioli just like egg and garlic and oil anyway?

      • Link

        depends on what kind youre making but none of the aiolies Ive ever made had egg in them, the great thing about garlic aioli tho is that you could blend just about anything with it and it'll make something tasty. sun dried tomatoes, pesto, honey mustard, whatever would taste great in a sandwich or as a dip. hell you could even skip the aioli part and just mix that stuff with plain mayo with a little added seasoning, still works great if you get the measurements right.
        Ive always found that when it comes to seasoning or adjusting flavors its always best to start small since you could always add more stuff if it doesnt taste right at first, you cant really go back once you've put too much,

        • Link

          You'd never leave out garlic, though, would you..? I mean it sounds almost sacrilegious to omit garlic. I shit you not, I'd even put it in cake or ice cream. Garlic being a neutral flavour, it goes really well with anything milk or cheese or cream.

          • Link

            oh yeah you always gotta have the garlic, how else would you keep vampires away. I use it in a lot of soups I make too

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              Do you have a good tip for a way to use garlic in soup?

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                depends on what ya makin, it goes good in potato and bacon soups. for those I'd heat up the garlic along with the veggies as youre cooking them, not really much more to it than that. Id give ya some recipes but I cant exactly remember them too clearly off the top of my head but I could wing it if ya want, most soup recipes Ive found are pretty similar

                • Link

                  Y'know, that sounds hella cool. Just slam me with some recipes for that potato bacon something bro! I'll try some of that foreign cuisine!

                  • Link

                    well now I gotta try to adjust the large batches that we make into something smaller since our portion sizes are pretty big since we're a business. maybe tomorrow during work I can just take some pictures of some our soup recipes so I have 'em on me. (tho honestly I barely follow them and mostly just throw in what I think will taste good. people seem to love my soups for that)