Tiny little life update! Bit of a rant maybe?! by Reisfuchs

Heyyy Weasyl! I miss you guys all a bunch :C I want to be active again but I kind of hit a wall?

I don't know y'all, but I feel very strange these days. Maybe I'm depressed? (I'm pretty sure now I'm depressed..) I finally really moved into my new apartment a few weeks ago and I got the bedroom done at least. I am renovating everything on my own and I must admit that the work had left me with little energy and motivation after I got the kitchen done too. I still have the living room and the small corridor to do. And even though I have time and materials... I can't seem to be able to move an inch toward these goals.
The new apartment is way more clairaudent than the last and even though I only have 5 neighbors, the one right underneath me often keeps the TV very loud right into the night. Once I had to get up at 3.50 to knock on his door and ask him to turn it down. But I hate getting dressed and going down and hammering on his door until he finally sees fit to open and talk to me. Since then, I only knock, he knows hes too loud and turns it down, I go to bed again. But my blood pressure always goes through the roof when I hear that he's too loud because I can't sleep but I dont want to go down and confront him either. Ughhhhh

The only thing really keeping me "company" right now is Dragon Age Inquisiton... I started my second run through and I just love both of my Inquisitors so much and they get so much love from the people around them that it makes me feel warm and fuzzy too.
Then I feel a bit bad again, because I owe a bit of art and I always want to draw something for my friends and the artists I admire, but nothing I scribble comes out right and nothing really makes me go "awe yeah they'll like that" and so I just stick to sketching my Inquisitors and throwing the sketches away when I don't like it.

Also, crying over little things? Meaningless shit? Having a throat ache and losing my voice from time to time. Not really getting enough done at work I feel like... though today was a good day... Gained weight, not happy with that one bit, I feel very discouraged about that...

Oh and I have no idea how to break the thing with my husband off. I just met his mother and the second time we met she gave me a huge gold ring, family heirloom and shit, and I want to give it back, but I feel so awkward and unthankful?!?!?! And he's had to sleep in the airport for I don't know how long now and every time we make a date so he can get some of his stuff he cancels a few hours before we were supposed to meet, he always gets angry SO fast, and ten minutes later he acts like nothings happened? Man, we've got issues....

I hope I wasn't too all over the place with this...
TL;DR
I am feeling a bit down, am a teeny bit sick, not productive at all and the only thing bringing me joy rightt now is Dragon Age inquisition.... I feel like I failed but I know I haven't, ya kno? :C Pretty cruddy rn.... Thank you to everyone who's still with me though, y'all have no idea how much you mean to me <3 (If you feel even remotely like I might be talking about you as well - I am!!!)
I's not that I don't like you if we haven't talked in a while, it's just all a bit much rn!

Tiny little life update! Bit of a rant maybe?!

Reisfuchs

27 June 2016 at 12:48:04 MDT

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  • Link

    I'm sorry you're going through such a rough patch ;n;
    I don't know what help I can give since I haven't been in a situation like yours, but I do have depression and know what it's like to feel stuck. So here's my advice:

    For the depression/feeling stuck bit- you need to push through it. Seriously lol it's the only thing that helps. Depression will make you feel drained and sluggish, you won't want to do anything when you're feeling like this. Eat and drink healthy, absolutely no sweets/junkfood! Try to get active and stay active. Focus on upping your energy and motivation. I do yoga/work out when I feel like this, I try to visualize good energy entering my body and pushing all the "bad" out. And keep drawing! Even if it looks like crap and you tear out every page in your sketchbook, just DO NOT STOP! Scribble, sketch, throw some color on top and smudge it around, get that tired frustration out, GRRRR show your art who's boss! The inspiration will come, and this blockage will pass. Just do whatever you can to move it along.

    For your noisy neighbor, if you've had to tell him to turn it down enough times that you're exhausted and your health is suffering from it, talk to the landlord or whoever's in charge. It will also help to talk to your neighbors and see if they've had to do the same. If multiple people are having problems with the guy, the landlord will have to do something about it.

    Also I can relate to the Dragon Age bit XD I recently picked up my game again after 1-2 years and I've fallen in love with it again. I have multiple characters but I haven't beaten the game yet because there's just so much STUFF and paths to choose and things to do UGH QwQ;
    I'm working on my level 16 assassin elf lady right now, she's taken up all my time and I haven't drawn anything new in FOREVER.

    As for the part with your husband, I would give the ring back to his mother, I would tell her that you can't accept a gift like this right now and I'm sure she would appreciate your honesty. And it sounds like your husband is the one with the problems, not you. If he's delaying your progress I would honestly throw all his things into boxes and give them to his mother or something. I don't know the whole story about what happened.. but that's what I would do if my fiance and I were breaking up and he didn't want to take responsibility for his things and if I'm trying to move forward.

    And warm tea with honey does wonders for a sore throat.
    I hope my advice helps or at least makes you feel a little better. I hope you feel better soon <3

    • Link

      Aw, thank you so much for the warm and thought-out reply! I feel honoured ;w;

      I hope I can push through this! On the surface, like, kind of it just seems like a mild thing, but I can also see how it is not that mild anymore right now? I always go through phases of depression on and off, but this one feels strange. It's hard to grasp! I will try and do some meditating before bed, maybe I'll have more energy tomorrow :) Ha, and I need to throw the junk food out.. I know that has to do with the weight gain as well but I also feel jittery and like something is missing that I need when I don't have chocolate or something around? Urgh

      I will see how the situation with the neighbor develops, I just really under all circumstances want to avoid this kind of conflict. O maker help me!

      Thanks for the enyouragement on giving the ring back <3 I really feel like thats the right thing to do. I will see when and how... haha, my stomach is already turning at the thought of it, but I will be so relieved when I got that from my shoulders, I just know it!

      It's ridiculous how relieved I am to hear that I am not the only one "wasting" my time on DA:I xD I got very far with in my first play through, only the DLC Jaws of Hakkon and the Deep Roads thing left! My first Inquisitor was a human female romacing Cullen and now I'm a male elf romancing Solas (huge thanks to the modding gods out there, haha!!!)

      I am gladly a very avid tea drinker and have been drinking chamomile tea wit honey almost eclusively for the past 3 days :D I love it and it should help, but progress is very slow somehow :/ Ah well, nothing that wont go away after some time :D

      Again, thank you so much <3 I needed that a lot, you have no idea <3 hugs awkwardly

  • Link

    I used to have a neighbor, who not only played music stupidly loud at unholy times of the night................but he had a keyboard or piano or something, which he also played very badly that late at night. I talked to the apartment managers (I was frankly scared of him) and they said they "couldn't do anything" because he had mental issues and was there under special lease. I was trapped with this neighbor for 7 years, until finally someone realized he needed to be somewhere where he was taken care of, instead of making him live poorly on his own. @_@

    I really hope that things will get better for you soon. I know from personal life of my own...............2016 has been a miserable year so far and I feel like it won't get better. But I hope it will...for you and for me..............and for everyone else going through the "bad things". hugs

    I'm glad you can still find small things to enjoy............like video games. It helps a lot more than people realize. :)

    • Link

      Wow, 7 years! I applaud your nerves, I don't know if I can live 7 years like that haha! Glad you're both in a better situation now!

      Yeah, 2016 has been such an odd, miserable year... hugs back tightly I hope the best for you too, you deserve it, thats for sure <3

      • Link

        I started taking sleeping medication..............just to get some sleep at night! XD

        Thanks. hugs It feels like when there's one bad thing..............bad stuff just snowballs all of the sudden. wry laugh But it's got to get better eventually...it can't keep getting worse! :)

  • Link

    Krass ey, die Sache mit der Depression kommt mir sowas von bekannt vor! Uggh
    Man merkt, es geht einem Scheiße, man hat keine Energie mehr, man fühlt sich ausgelaugt und strange. Dann redet man sich wieder ein
    "Ach komm so schlimm kanns net sein, stell dich nicht so an" Aber das seltsame Gefühl bleibt. Als ob man in nem Loch ist. Es geht nicht vor und nicht zurück und auch keine Leiter nach oben. Was macht man um sich (für nen Moment) bisl besser zu fühlen? ESSEN...
    Süßes essen. Was nicht viel Arbeit macht und schnell geht weil man sich eh schon ausgelaugt fühlt...

    Ich spiele zwar kein Dragon Age und meine Beziehungsprobleme sehen bisl anders aus, aber ich kann dich dennoch 1000000% verstehen. Mir gehts da ähnlich.

    Ich muss gestehen im Moment bin ich zwiegespalten was Andi angeht. Es gibt Momente da fühl ich mich daheim und wohl,
    und es gibt Momente da fühl ich mich in seiner Nähe überhaupt net wohl, aus Gründen >.> (die du ja kennst)

    Und dann halt ich mich Gedanklich immer an dir fest. An das Gefühl das ich hab wenn ich mit dir zusammen bin. Ungezwungen, leicht,
    stressfrei und unglaublich harmonisch und friedlich und hach... Und dann das letzte mal das wir uns trafen hat halt auch so gut getan.
    Das bisschen vom Traumhaus träumen und wie es wär wenn wir zusammen wohnen. Daran zieh ich mich immer wieder hoch wenn ich
    so nen Durchhänger habe. Zumindest versuch ich das. Was mich bedrückt ist die Gewissheit das es mir um soviel besser gehen würde,
    wenn du meine Lebenspartnerin wärst, ich aber nicht einfach aus meiner Situation heraus kann.

    Und ich bin mir ziehmlich sicher das die Mehrheit meiner Fam, keineswegs nachvoll ziehen könnte warum ich nen zusammenleben mit dir, dem zusammenleben mit andi vorziehen würde. Macht mich Kirre.

    Ugh ich babbel zuviel sorry.

    Ich kanns einfach kaum abwarten dich wieder zu sehen und mehr Zeit mit dir zu verbringen, zusammen einkaufen gehen, kochen, zeichnen, film marathon, spatzieren gehen usw <3

    Ach Süße, ich hoffe, und wünsche dir das du es schaffst die Depression schnell hinter dich zu bringen und überhaupt deine Situation
    mit deinem Mann und seiner Fam sich schnell zu deiner Gesundheit sag ich jetzt mal, bessert~

    Lieb dich ganz arg, und vermisser dich <3 Hoffentlich gehts dir ganz bald wieder viel besser! ganz lieb und lange drück ((mit knallrotem kopf)) XD

    • Link

      Hab jetzt fast ne Woche nix von Mo gehört und ich merk, wie gut mir das tut. Ist echt scheiße wie das Berg ab gegangen ist... ich hoffe dir gehts auch n bisi besser momentan. Denke viel an dich.

      Ich würd mir so wünschen dass deine Fam dich mehr verstehen und unterstützen würde. Das wäre Rückhalt den du dringend brauchst. Keine Ahnung wieso manche Leut so engstirnig sein können. In Bezug auf uns als auch auf deine Anxiety und deine SItuation. Du verdienst so viel besseres <3

      Und du babbelst nie zu viel :) Ich würd mir nen Roman von dir durchlesen, solltest du einen schreiben hehe!

      dich ganz feste zurückdrückt mit ganz viel Streicheleinheiten und kinischem gekicher
      (BTW bei dem Song denk ich an dich: https://youtu.be/6oN2dq-o9hE)

  • Link

    Such thoughtful and useful replies here! I suppose all I can contribute is a hug. So... hugs I hope you feel better <3

    • Link

      That's more than I could ask <3 Thank you Vera! I'm feeling a bit better right now :) Stormclouds passed I guess. I hope you are doing well yourself <3 hugs back tightly