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An apology by SF
I'm the kind of person who wakes up in the middle of the night fretting about minor transgressions I've caused. Dropping all communication with people I was starting to form friendships with here was one of them.
I'm sorry for doing so last year. I wasn't trying to be rude and it wasn't aloofness. My life has been completely destroyed. All the things that mattered to me in this world are gone forever. For the past 232 days I've been crying myself to sleep every single night, barely able to eat or move or function. It's made it hard to maintain existing contacts let alone form new ones.
If you were starting to chat with me here, please reach out again. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be around, as I'm narrowly avoiding suicide on a weekly basis. I'd hate to be remembered by anyone as just a lost connection.
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I've been really worried about you. :(
You don't need to apologize though! I kind of figured something very, very bad had happened. I honestly didn't want to bother you, because I was worried I'd just be an annoyance. .////. I'm really glad to see you're still around, but also worried about you.Being as I've attempted suicide in the past, I can definitely understand where you're coming from... I still battle depression constantly, and like you, I sort of pull away when I just can't really... be around people. I kind of figured that might be how things were right now. ERm... I'm rambling, basically, what I'm saying here is that you don't have to worry about me, if you feel guilty for not talking to me much. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not upset! :3 If anything, I know how you feel, and I worry about'cha. If you need someone to talk to, go ahead and note me. ♥ I may be a bit slow to reply every now and then as this year it's been hard for me to even muster the energy to get out of bed, but I will reply. If you still need some space though, don't feel guilty, okay? I'm here to talk whenever you feel up to it. ♥
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That's kind of you, thank you. I'm https://telegram.me/sfthewolf on Telegram if you use that.
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Don't let your guilt consume you, instead, make amends and take responsibility. I am open for conversation, even though you may have shut the door on me in the past.
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Scheknul
I know how you feel. I've been down that road so many times, that I simply allowed my hatred for myself consume me. Now I live a pseudo existence. I'm completely numb to most people, and I simply don't care any more. There's a few select people who I'm protective of, but otherwise? No..
There was a culture once, I forget which one at this point, who believed in "the little death." That, when you go to sleep, you die, and your dreams are you, returning to the gods, until it is time to toil again. Maybe if you tried thinking of sleep as death, you might feel somewhat freed of your crushing emotions.
I sometimes found that writing helped. Listening to the right music, and just writing a story, helped me a lot. Let it become as violent, or romantic as necessary. At least my mind wasn't on not liking living. Frankly, I don't have much to live for either. If it weren't for my mate, I doubt I'd still be alive.
I hope you find happiness, or the acceptance of your existence. I'm sure that there are those around you who care, that can actually reach out and hug you. Find them, and confide in them. You don't have to be alone.