You know, as family becomes more divided due to small and big things mixed together in the brew...I feel sad but liberated in the chemicals of emotions to have know the real members of my family. While not biologic relatives, but dogs,pets, or even people who helped bring more hope than rich and ignorant other parts of my family tree could ever do.

After doing some painting, suffering outside and cursing as my boss gives me the wrong color paint ever time. I feel that when we become free and ride off into the blue silk sky....I'd say life is worth it, because I've ridden a horse though all 4 seasons and even though I have a vacation trip planned I still feel homesick from my dreams and from when I was still in school. Young, tides of life strife but friends, lab tech work and people who cared.

But in all........I miss being able to write and draw things stemming from that power. I should bring my sketch book with me. I also wish to start using makeup to do Dia de los Muertos work, it is such a fine form of beauty for a year event that has captured my eyes like a dog to peanut butter. That and i feel like I should accept the forms of art I wish to see not in my tastes of clothing......but even as a Hispanic, Latino European mutt.......I feel like I am pretty, and I wish to feel it besides punk vibes, quills and psychedelic pop playing in my flat all the time.

I am nervous about the trip, red eye flights back home are best enjoyed NEVER ahahahah. They say being in the sun to long in the desert hurts, but I think not going places in life hurts you even more. Gonna plan for a few more commissions before getting back into rationing for my new system to help flow more of my game work. Started taking E3live Blue green Algae in diet to get more green and sassy with life, and I swear Raspberry sherbet tastes good in any smoothie now.

Feel's good to just.........realize after a long day of painting outside, injured shoulder again, to realize I got somewhere further. Well gonna waste my night away in skyrim, and watching buzzfeed videos about puppies. I think that will do for now.

What things are you saving up for? Not in money, but perhaps time, health, healing or bravery to tackle it? We all have dreams but...like our shadows they don't die, but hide well.