So FA reset all of its passwords, and to reset them you need an email. Thing is, I've used email for FA exactly once, and that's when I first joined the site roughly eleven trillion years ago, and the email I used has been lost to time. I've sent support an email explaining the situation and offering to provide them with any information they might feel could verify that it's actually me contacting them, so we'll see how that turns out.

In the meantime, if this takes a really goddamn long time to resolve, my alternate FA account is boo3art