I had all these plans for my summer and then everything just caved in around me.

The long job I did that kept me away from FA was all the money that I saved up for to go to Europe again this summer. I had it all ready to go.

Then I had an unexpected disaster, my loyal ipad that had traveled with me, and kept my memories, and had been stolen and recovered, we went through a lot together... well a few days ago it fell off my bed and smashed, completely.

The glass screen exploded and the actual screen display fractured and went into all of the colors of the rainbow. It is beyond saving. It is also out of warranty, so I basically have to get a new one which I haven't done yet.

Luckily I was able to recover all of the files and photos on it and have them stored on my laptop (which disconnects from the wifi all the bleeping time)

And now today I have learned that the program I go to Europe with does not have a place for me this year and I will not be going. So all my saving and excitement to go back to France and explore outside of it are dashed. I'm beyond upset and heartbroken, I was looking forward to this all year!

The money I earned only covers the plane, all the living and food expenses are paid for me. I am out of luck for this year, and when July comes I'm going to be a depressed puddle of gross.

I can grieve for now, and hopefully there will be some new opportunities this summer at home now I'm staying here. Because I have no idea what my life will be like in this time period, everything is uncertain and I'm uneasy.

I could get a new ipad with the money I was planning on using to fly over, and I might, but then it will be all gone and I will lose the last little hope that I could still be asked to come anyway.

Being in this state of unease and worry is not fun, and having plans and excitement taken away from you is as heartbreaking as being left out from something you're friends are doing.

I'm broken inside.