I think I'll start crossposting my "burn off my meds side effects" journals to here as well, starting with today's:

So I had a few thoughts about criticism and critique, triggered by a NotAlwaysRight entry ( https://notalwaysright.com/email-fail-part-7/50612 ) and inspired by a non-furry situation.

Well, I've always had a few thoughts about it, but it was really developed over my time I was an FA admin and handling harassment reports [Not naming any names, even if I could remember them]. The conclusion I've come to over the years is this: While some people indeed have trouble taking criticism, most have a huge problem with giving it, or mistake harassment as critique.

Badly-given criticism isn't just useless, it's counter-productive. Even when it's honest, intended to help, and accurate, poorly worded critique can be taken as an attack, putting the person on the defensive - making them less likely to heed well-stated advice about the same problem with a similar solution.

I've very rarely ever gotten a bad reaction from an artist for "Something looks a bit off on the head to me. I can't quite put my finger on it exactly, but maybe it's [x] and [y]?". The few times I have, it was someone before me saying "Your head's screwed up and wrong, its the [x] and [y].".

In both cases, both information being given is the same, and can be assumed to be accurate - but the approach on the first one is different from the second. What I stated would be decently delivered criticism, the second would be badly delivered. The information may be the same, but the goal of critique is so that the person will heed the words.

Condescending criticism is part of this. It may be detailed, provided with redlines, a full professional analysis of the artwork including suggestions of how to fix it - but if it's being delivered as if you're talking down to the person, they're still going to get defensive. It could be 100% valid, but if you're an asshole about it the person isn't going to listen.

Then there's outright harassment, "You suck" "You're pretentious" "Stop drawing, there's no point." "This is all messed up". All things I've seen in harassment cases I've dealt with on Furaffinity, and defended by the person saying them as "Its just criticism!". No, it isn't. It's a hostile statement of derision of the artist, their skills, or their specific work - or some mixture of the three.

This doesn't just apply to created works. It applies to just about everything - how to run a game, how to do math, or even how to handle email. It even applies to personal habits. The key thing is delivery and communication.

Of course, this doesn't absolve people who flip out at all criticism. There were a few cases where an artist (or a friend) reported a harassing comment, and it was a neutrally-stated or friendly-stated critique and suggestion of the work. It's happened to me, on both sides of the equation.

The key thing to realize is that if you want to give good criticism, you cannot insult, denigrate, or condescend in your delivery. Part of the message is the medium in which it is delivered. If it's delivered in a snooty, condescending, or angry tone - it'll likely be ignored, regardless of how valid your statements are.

And yes, the validity of your statements, how accurate you are, doesn't come into play in this at all. If you think someone is a fool and it shows in what you say to them, they'll be less likely to listen. And if you've been acting like that for a long time, even being neutral won't do it - your past history will color what you've said.

Instead of "Jesus christ, you're building a manual incrimentor for your while loop? You should have been doing a for loop over a pre-built iterator!", say "Why not use "for i in range(4) instead of i = 0, while i <=4: i+= 1"? It could be that the person didn't know you could do "for i in range(4)" (as it was in this specific example from last night), or it could be because they've got plans for something that might increase or decrease how many times they want to loop. Saying it the first way makes it sound like the other person is an idiot for not knowing something, or yourself an asshole because its there for a reason. The second one would teach the guy something, or if there's specific plans, you'll now know.

In the end, I dislike people who insult or harass as "criticism", then claim the other person "can't take critique", then say they need to "Grow a thicker skin". Others might say that, but then that sounds to me like victim blaming in actual cases of harassment, that it's the victim's fault for becoming upset and the harasser is in the right to say whatever. Which is a topic for another time.

TLDR: Most people don't know how to give critique or hide harassment under it's colors.