Most of the time I type these things out is for some kind of thing that's bothering me. Honestly this is cathartic to do when I expose my feelings even if I get feedback that just doesn't help me. Hell, sometimes it makes it worse. That having been said, it's all about something I talked about the other day and it's been floating in my head. This sort of thing helps me reflect on what I'm thinking from the outside once it's all done.

Art. Art is an endeavor and it's difficult for many for a plethora of reasons. Thing is, those that pursue it can sometimes be miserable for doing so and then if they stop they're more miserable. That's for some and it used to be me. My problems evolve and what came to mind are reasons for comparison to other artists. Yes, I know. One shouldn't do it. There's no unanimous stance on what "good art" is, but everybody holds their own standards. I find myself to be in a competitive mindset and it makes me feel like I need to measure up somehow. Need to make it to whatever level somehow but it amounts to never making it. A disappointment that's sustained through largely petty things like what people say on the internet or what they don't say. It's something I'm sure of that the opinions of some will weigh higher than other's and to be honest I have the positive opinions of some I hold in very high esteem. Why doesn't that drown what comes back into my mind to make turmoil rise again? The answer is probably that it happens when some kind of new reason is thought up or realized. Did finally put some better words as to why this kind of thing still lives and why I still compare and arbitrarily measure.

I wondered how it is that people got to where they did with their work. It's not a question of them being able to do what they want or thinking they have it easier. Like, what did they do that fit together to make them what they are and cemented their artistic integrity/style/etc. Their identity and method. How they learned and how they made themselves familiar with their expression. Books, classes, trial and error, screwing around, sheer stubbornness, translating observations, a combination of any or all of those things. I wonder about what I lack instead of what I have that I can build on. You know, what's really terrible is how negativity seems like the fashion for what is considered a good attitude. Want to say quickly that depreciating one's self is mistaken for how to be humble. Getting back on track, that's very likely why I look at some others and think that what they do is like magic. It isn't magic, but it might as well be. Looking at instruction to me sometimes my head just goes "you will not be able to do this", when it's pretty likely untrue. Or maybe when I see peoples' history of art and see their improvement and think of how I'm not going anywhere or something. Also untrue. These kind of gymnastics should really work the other way.

Going back to what people saying and why it should matter, there are a few things that have come to bother me. One thing is being told to practice. Practice makes perfect, practice will help you blah and, just practice and eventually practice will practice all your practice. It's an inane thing to be told when someone is feeling like they have no direction. It's as bad as asking as "how you get good at art?". Grown tired of that and grown tired of seeing other people tell others that. Such a response has its place, y'know? Practice what? Practice how? And hell, maybe that's what they're already doing. Whether they're practicing the right things is up to the other to find out. But, that leads into feeling lost about what to do and how much that can get under one's skin. Anyway, that stuff aside.

It's been laid out. Pieces of thoughts put together. Helps, feels good, it's a little therapeutic. Needs to be done every now and again. Now, back to trying to make more stuff. Don't feel like stopping now.