"I swear, I'm not as sedentary as I look." That's the defense that the guy uses when the cops arrive. You say you found this guy in your basement? Not only that, but he has a whole bachelor's pad complete with TV, futon, piled-up pizza boxes, dumped out ash trays, unwashed laundry, and bargain bin porn magazines? Impressive how he had managed to set all that up overnight. Can bullets bounce off his tightly-packed belly fat? Not really, but can he talk his way out of a squatting accusation? No, he can't do that either. Well... what can he do? He was in your basement, Moo-moo. You tell me.