I tend not to dwell on the idea of suicide or dying in general. not since i was in highschool as a lonely confused kid. But Time does repeat itself and i'm right back into that same position so it was a matter of time for the thoughts would creep back in. I have attempted suicide back when i was younger and i did promise myself never to attempt it again so dont worry about me. I'm not going to do anything.
But the i have been thinking of what it would be like if i did pass on ya know. not so much the after life but about the life that I'm no longer in.

Obviously my family will be devastated but at all my money would go towards my Sister and her son, since shes struggling as well. The people online would probably just assume i'm still not talking to them. probably wont be all that different from right now. I'll just be one of those artists that just disappeared. Its funny though. that always was my fear when i was starting to get to know people. like if i ever got into a car accident and died. know one would really know what would happen to me. all my work unfinished. all the people i would never meet. That scared me. hehe and i would like go to a friend and give them my FA password so they could make a journal that i passed or something.

But right now.... i dont thing i would need all that. i really dont have anything anymore. no one would really know, nor do they need to know what happens to me. Again, these are all just thoughts. unhealthy? yes! but i really can't help it with my current situation. the best i can do is just vent on here while keeping my mouth shut.